This move is surreal. I mean I see it on the calender, looming. I have lists on all the shit I've got to accomplish here and there and in between. But I know I am unprepared.
I had a moment recently where the reality of what is to come settled squarely and clearly in my consciousness. It was like someone punched me in the chest and I was overcome with panic, anger and tears. "No I don't want this! I want everything to stay the same!". Stasis.
I've lived here for twenty years (!) and never moved in a permanent way. I spent half of that time thinking and planning my next move, always 'knowing' it would be outside of Texas, out of Austin. And ultimately, I never moved more than 15 miles away from where I started.
So now I'm getting what I want. The change I've craved for so long. Just one day it seems I awoke from the routine of complacency, and did the things that needed doing. Its go time or its die time. I choose go.
2 months ago