Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Eff Poughkeepsie

This move is surreal. I mean I see it on the calender, looming. I have lists on all the shit I've got to accomplish here and there and in between. But I know I am unprepared.

I had a moment recently where the reality of what is to come settled squarely and clearly in my consciousness. It was like someone punched me in the chest and I was overcome with panic, anger and tears. "No I don't want this! I want everything to stay the same!". Stasis.

I've lived here for twenty years (!) and never moved in a permanent way. I spent half of that time thinking and planning my next move, always 'knowing' it would be outside of Texas, out of Austin. And ultimately, I never moved more than 15 miles away from where I started.

So now I'm getting what I want. The change I've craved for so long. Just one day it seems I awoke from the routine of complacency, and did the things that needed doing. Its go time or its die time. I choose go.

4 comments:

mister e said...

I feel the same way about change. I frequently choose it but as change approaches, I totally freak out. Maybe we should make shirts before you go that say "It's go time or it's die time." With stencils. xoxo.

Carol said...

It's fun to read how each of our characters are handling the move... truly need to be careful what we wish for!

s i n c l a i r said...

I am proud of you. We all are. It's easy to talk about wanting to do something, but you are actually doing it. Well played JPL.

GeraldineMander said...

You are a champ!